Look around your living room. Is it Tuesday? Then no, Michigan is not playing today. They probably have a bye week, which is code for “the players are eating pasta and the coaches are planning how to ruin your weekend later.” But if it’s Saturday in autumn, you are in the danger zone. Check the time right now. Seriously. Close this article if you must. The answer is out there.
And if you still can’t find it? Ask a friend. But pick the friend who owns a maize and blue jersey that’s older than you. That person will know the time, the opponent’s quarterback’s mother’s maiden name, and the exact wind speed in Ann Arbor. They are a national treasure.
Final, Desperate Advice
Just turn on the TV at noon. If the game is playing, great—you’re a genius. If it’s not, you’re now watching a rerun of The Price Is Right. Drew Carey will show you a vacuum cleaner, and your life will be slightly less complete. But then at 1 p.m., flip channels. You might land on a Michigan highlight reel. That counts as winning.
Here’s the truth: The exact time doesn’t matter as much as the feeling. That jittery, hopeful, slightly-violent energy of knowing the Wolverines are about to do something—good or bad—that you’ll talk about for a week. So check your phone, ask your weird neighbor, and set that alarm. Because somewhere in Ann Arbor, a marching band is tuning up, and a quarterback is stretching. And you, my friend, have a date with the M. Don’t be late. (Unless it’s a 3:30 game. Then be exactly on time, but also early, and also bring snacks.)
Now go forth. Find that time. And Go Blue—or whatever we say when we’re not sure if it’s a noon kickoff yet.
