Applying ointment to a cat is like trying to oil a gremlin in a thunderstorm. You have roughly 0.3 seconds before the cat activates “flight-or-bite” mode. My advice? Wrap the little criminal in a towel like a purrito—gently, unless you enjoy being impersonated by a scratching post.
Then, use a clean finger or a cotton swab to dab a tiny pea-size amount. Don’t glop it on like frosting on a cake—cats are not pastries, even if they smell like tuna farts. And for the love of all that is fluffy, do not put ointment inside the ear, eye, or anywhere that requires a degree in veterinary wizardry. That’s a “your cat will plot your demise” level mistake.
The “But What If My Cat Hates It?” Protocol
Let’s be real: Your cat will hate it. They will stare at you with the betrayed energy of a Victorian orphan after you smeared ointment on their battle scar. Some will lick it off immediately, which is why you need to watch them for 10-15 minutes—or as I call it, “The Judgmental Standoff.” If they eat a little, it’s usually fine; the ointment is non-toxic. But if they go full Hoover vacuum, you might want to call your vet.
Surprising fact #2: Cats can’t taste sweetness, but they can taste bitter with the fury of a thousand spicy bugs. That’s why some ointments are flavored with “acceptable” stuff like fish extract—because nothing says “healing” like salmon-flavored goo on a scratch.
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