We ask because we’re paranoid. Everything has sugar now. Bread has sugar. Ketchup has sugar. So why wouldn’t water be in on the conspiracy? Because water is the one pure soul in a world of corn syrup.
But here’s the real kicker: your own spit has sugar. Your saliva contains enzymes that break down starches into sugars. So technically, the moment water touches your tongue, it mixes with a sugar source. You’re turning water sweet by existing. You’re a human juice factory.
The Ocean Exception
Sea water is salty, not sweet. But guess what? It has trace dissolved organic matter. Including teeny bits of sugar from algae. Drink a liter of ocean water, and you’ll absorb maybe 0.001 grams. Then you’ll die from dehydration. Not from sugar poisoning. So, don’t do that.
