If all else fails, you can buy a pet lizard. Geckos love spiders and will feast on them like a tiny, scaly food delivery service. Just be aware: now you have a pet lizard, and lizards need crickets. So you’re basically replacing one pest with a more adorable pest that sits on a rock. It’s the circle of life, filtered through a terrarium.
Alternatively, embrace the chaos. Put up tiny “No Soliciting” signs on your corners. Spray a little fake web around the house to confuse their real estate agents. After all, spiders are just the universe’s way of reminding you that you’re never truly alone... or that your house is a little messy. Either way, you’ve got options.
Now go forth, fortify your castle, and evict those eight-legged freeloaders. Just remember: if you see one carrying a tiny suitcase, let him go. He’s clearly on vacation.