Before you start planning a Viking funeral in your bathtub, make sure your cat is actually dead. No, really. Cats are masters of the “dramatic freeze”—that deep sleep where they look like a taxidermy project gone wrong. Gently check for breathing by holding a mirror to their nose. No fog? They’re likely gone.
A surprising fact: cats can sometimes go into a state called “tonic immobility” where they seem dead but aren’t. It’s nature’s version of a prank call. If you’re unsure, listen for a heartbeat with your ear to their chest, or just poke them—a real corpse won’t flinch and demand treats.
If your cat is stiff and cold, that’s rigor mortis setting in. Congratulations, you’ve graduated from denial to the “this is horrifying but real” phase. Now, calmly move to next steps—you have about two hours before things get, uh, fragrant.
