Simon will tell you it’s practical. He’ll say something boring like, “Red frames help me see better in low light.” Typical Simon, always deflecting with facts.
But come on. You don’t wear that color for practical reasons unless you’re a fire truck. Or a cardinal. Or a stop sign that’s really into personal branding.
He claims it’s about contrast. His eyes are blue, so red makes them “pop.” Popping is fine, Simon, but that shade screams “I’m about to do something chaotic.”
The Hidden Reason (The One I Invented)
I think Simon wears red glasses because he’s secretly a time traveler. Think about it: red lenses hide his glowing chrono-eyes when he’s scanning for paradoxes.
Or maybe he’s a spy. Red glasses refract laser beams. One time he looked at a laser pointer, and I swear the beam bent around his face. Coincidence? I think not.
Here’s my favorite theory: Simon is a distraction artist. He wears those glasses so you stare at his face while his hands pickpocket your fries. You’ve noticed your French fries vanish around him, right? Right.
